Couples Therapy

Your decision to engage in couples counselling can feel somewhat scary but it is also an exciting opportunity to both heal your relationship and grow as an individual.

Couples counselling can help you overcome any complacency that has developed in your partnership, due to dismissing or minimizing your troubles. For example, recent research indicates that one-third of relationships eventually end due to an addiction that was never dealt with openly.

One reason you may feel comfortable in a less-than-satisfying relationship is due to your early attachment experiences. You and your partner may unknowing have brought your unmet childhood needs to your current relationship. This happens in most relationships as we are unconsciously compelled, both emotionally and biologically, to seek safety and fulfill our unmet needs.

This becomes a problem when you expect your partner to be a ‘mind reader’ and to know exactly what you need or want without letting him/her know. You may not know yourself what you need or you may know but are afraid to ask based on past disappointments or a fear of conflict. Whatever the underlying reason, as your couples therapist my goal is to help you create the vision of your ideal relationship and help you build the skills necessary to make it possible.

You May Benefit from Couples Therapy if:

• You and your partner hurt each other repeatedly
• You don’t feel understood and heard
• You have the same arguments over and over that are never resolved
• Your relationship seems filled with criticism, contempt, defensiveness and/or silent hostility in your interactions
• Your sex life is non-existent or a source of conflict
• You fight about or avoid altogether talking about money or children
• You are spending less time having fun and supporting each other and more time finding fault in each other
• You and your partner can’t seem to work these issues out by yourselves

Couples Therapy can give you the knowledge and skills needed to set a new course for your relationship.

What You Can Expect to Learn that will Change your Relationship:

1. What the vision is of your ideal relationship. You may have lost sight of what you were initially attracted to in each other and as the years go by, fail to communicate what you really want, both individually and as a couple. You will take the time to create the ‘template of love’ that will direct the change process. This template will become a focal point and will guide the therapy.
   
   
2. What your attachment styles are and how to ‘earn’ a more secure attachment style. The research indicates that about 60% of people are securely attached while the other 40% fit into three categories of insecure attachment. You can move from ‘insecure’ to ‘secure’, allowing you and your partner to expand your capacity for both closeness and time apart.
   
   
3. What developmental stage your relationship is at and how it contributes to feeling ‘stuck’. Just as we move through developmental stages from birth through adulthood, our relationship has predictable stages that mirror these early experiences. You can discover tools to advance your developmental stage. My approach as a couples therapist, is to help you and your partner to create a life together that is greater than either of you can attain alone.
   
   
4. What the patterns are of chronic re-triggering of unhealthy emotions and behaviors in your relationship, that stem from early trauma. In the early bonding stage of relationships, when love hormones are high, you overlook what you don’t like about your partner. Instead you focus on your similarities and how you ‘fit’ together. This is an important phase for establishing a solid and positive foundation of love. However, as time goes on your differences become apparent and without having the relationship skills to resolve these differences, you can get stuck. What you were initially attracted to in your partner can now drive you crazy. This phase can be difficult to negotiate. According to Ellyn Bader, a leader in the field of Couples Therapy, you need to develop the “emotional muscle” necessary to tolerate and appreciate your differences, without it threatening your connection.
   
   
5. Discover what the research on emotional predictors of divorce are and how to avoid having them in your relationship. According to John and Julie Gottman’s research, there are patterns of behavior between couples that lead to either a “turning toward” or a “turning away” from intimacy. Furthermore, there are certain interactions that are also quite toxic and lead partners down the road to divorce.

You and your partner can learn to transform these toxic interactions into soothing tonic for your relationship’s soul.

Choosing marriage counselling means you’re choosing to live in the solution rather than continuing to live with the problem.

Call today to create the love your relationship deserves!

I look forward to hearing from you,

Sue Diamond Potts, M.A., R.C.C. Registered Clinical Counsellor, (#178)

Sue Diamond Potts Counselling Services
Phone: 604-682-1484 | Fax: 604-909-4690
Email: sue@suediamondpotts.com
830–470 Granville Street (@ Pender St.), Vancouver, B.C. V6C 1V5

Serving Vancouver, the Lower Mainland, North Vancouver,
West Vancouver, Sunshine Coast and Washington State.

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