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Have you Stopped your Addiction but lack Emotional Sobriety?You’ve stopped your alcohol abuse or given up your other addictive behaviors as a vital first step in recovery. Life ought to be great… but it’s not. You may even wonder why your life can look good on the outside, but inside you are miserable. You feel stuck!The good news is that you can overcome addiction and attain emotional well being!“I came to counseling because
I was desperate.”
I was unable to have a long-term relationship. I had an addiction which consumed my personal time and money. It separated me from the opportunity to be with women in a genuine way. I felt it was “hidden” and so I couldn’t share it with anyone. I created a lot of shame and another degree of separation and disconnection from people and the world. I felt a certain amount of helplessness towards it. I really believed I would never be able to get out from under that addiction and have healthy relationships. I also knew deep down that I had to resolve some feelings about my childhood. I am beyond the normal age of marriage and still single. Something needed to be “treated”. I had no idea or connection to either what I needed or how to communicate that to another person. Today, I’m in the richest, most mature, most open and intimate relationship I’ve ever been in. I can dialogue about my difficulties and stay close, rather than walk away, which is what I always did in the past. I wanted to break it off several times but with your help, I was able to realize the benefit of staying in the relationship and that nothing in life is perfect. I’m more mature. I’m aware of the feelings that are a part of being human. In the past, I thought everything was an intellectual process. I knew I had feelings, but only wanted to experience the “good” ones. I know now it’s ok to feel sad or angry. When my sister-in-law died recently, I walked through the grief and because of that I felt a closure with the process. That never happened with my brother. He died before I came into therapy and because I never grieved his death, there was no sense of closure. With this model of therapy I felt the results early on and that became reinforcing. Then it began to build on itself. I noticed my greater awareness and my capability of at least understanding how to express what I was feeling. It’s changed my life. - M. R. Overcoming alcohol abuse or other addictions does not mean that unresolved issues and a long pattern of avoiding discomfort disappear. You may struggle, both in early sobriety and even years later, with anxiety and depression because you never learned how to navigate life emotionally. The years spent cut off from yourself and others may make you feel like you’re living in an emotional wasteland. In short, you lack emotional sobriety. Emotional sobriety, in short, is the ability to feel connected to and content with yourself while creating a meaningful life.You may be lacking emotional sobriety if you experience any of the following:
Many of these symptoms can leave you wondering, “Is this all there is to sobriety? I stopped my addiction and expected life to be easier. Instead it’s like I’m out to sea without a paddle.” Or perhaps you have simply switched one addiction for another. The truth is that the years of alcohol abuse or other addictions have blocked your emotional growth. It has left you unequipped to face the complexities of life and relationships. Addiction and Trauma often go Hand in HandDid you know that according to CC Nuckols, one of America’s top clinical trainers in addiction and trauma, it is estimated that between 30 - 60% of people with substance abuse problems have experienced trauma serious enough to cause post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)? And, the worst part is, you may have it and not even know it! A simple definition of trauma is:“Any event or process that is so overwhelming that it causes fear, terror, and helplessness, emotional numbing, detachment and a sense of being disconnected from the world and the people around you.” Examples of traumatic events include:
When these events occur in your childhood it can be even more traumatic because as a child you have fewer resources to manage these stressful events. As a result you develop a coping style based solely on survival that is unhealthy and self-destructive. Another equally important area of trauma in childhood, are the acts of omission – the things that were not provided that are necessary for the development of a healthy human being. It is damaging to your ability to “attach” or “bond” with others if there was an absence of love, affection, care, interest and protection in early life. This betrayal of trust and love can often be more hurtful than an abusive event. The challenges of living life clean and sober may often be caused by unresolved trauma in your life. Traumatic events that have not been resolved live in the present rather than the past. Symptoms of unresolved trauma include:
If this sounds like you, you are not alone! While this can initially feel somewhat disheartening, trauma can be overcome… Recent brain research indicates that we can create new ways of being in the world at any point in our lives – no matter what our age! It’s never too late to learn and grow. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood! “I was lost — in all ways...”
I came to therapy due to the tragic and unexpected loss of my husband. The trauma was unbearable and I was numb. I did not know where or who to turn to. I was lost — in all ways; feelings, mind, body and soul. I had no direction and so sense of security. I felt small — child-like. Today I can feel – both physically and emotionally. I’m in touch with what’s inside of me and realize a connection to the flow of my inner world. I sense it now. I was just knotted up inside but now the energy can flow. I still miss my husband a great deal and I’m still sad that he is gone. But I’m also happy for me – I’m alive and I can go forward with my goals. I feel secure now. Mentally, I don’t feel so lost. I now see my family in a totally different light. It’s made me more respectful and mindful of others. I can understand that others’ reality is different from mine and I can accept that today. I can feel my truth and I’m more present. I’m feeling content and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way. I now realize it took a horrific amount of energy to keep me numb. Today, I can begin to take control of my life in healthy ways, and not be frozen in fear. - M.G. I’ve dedicated the last 25 years of my life to helping individuals and couples recover emotionally after stopping alcohol abuse and other addictions...You are next!I have successfully treated trauma that has been passed down in alcoholic families and in immigrant and war survivor families. I also have extensive training in the treatment of developmental trauma resulting from childhoods of neglect and/or abuse. I’m a firm believer in the value of working a twelve-step program for your addiction. I also know that for many people it is vital to seek professional help to attain emotional sobriety. Having been there myself, I know what you are up against!As someone who has walked this healing journey, I appreciate the powerful and lasting value of investing in your emotional sobriety. Benefits of Counselling with Me:
“My stress level is about 1/100th
where it was...”
My stress level is about 1/100th where it was when I started therapy. What I consider stress now is exponentially less than before. I feel calm. - S.H. Together with my counselling skills, and your willingness to overcome the obstacles to your emotional well-being, you can learn to live life fully, free from addiction and trauma. By identifying your priorities and working towards manageable goals, you can begin to live your wildest dreams. Call for an initial consultation to learn how you can have the life you are longing for.I look forward to hearing from you,
To sign up for my free newsletter Emotional Sobriety Matters and receive my free report “8 Ways to Enhance Emotional Sobriety, please fill out your contact information at the top of this page.
Sue Diamond Potts Counselling
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